Girl Time

So hello blogger world. My mind has been churning lately. Well churning more than usual. And some people may understand my churn but some may only be able to sympathize.
So as many of you know I'm the only girl of 5 brothers. I love each and everyone of my brothers so much. They really are so crucial to me and who I have become. But honestly each of my birthdays from the time I was 5 on I wished for a little sister. With each brother came small disappointments but in the end ginormous love. I always thought, "well, I guess I'll get a sister when my brothers marry or when I get married". And man I've been blessed. I love my sister-in-laws like crazy. They are all so unique and amazing. I've learned so much from them and truly feel so blessed to count them all as such good friends. I have no doubt if we had met in different circumstances we'd be lifelong friends anyhow. I've had many friends who have held me in troubling times and lifted my spirits. Many friends that I've been able to share those deeply personal experiences with and continue to meet many "sisters" in the gospel that I'm sure have been put in my path for a reason.
Yet here my brain churns with that little girl wish still. (And No. Mom, honestly if you gave birth to another child now I would be forever freaked out. I know that Sarah and Sariah did it but I think I'll be ok. really.) It bugs me that I still want a sister and I think now as a 28 year old woman I finally understand why.
I watch groups of sisters do things together as adult women. Things like going to Women's conference, reading books together, "borrowing" clothes from each other (I know that was/is a major battle for many of you sisters, but still I can't ever borrow my brothers clothes when I go home.) Anything girly you want to do or talk about you've got someone to talk about it with. Trust me I tried telling my brothers my birth stories and they were both disgusted and embarassed and weired out for a lifetime.
I have been blessed with an amazing mother whom, for the longest time, I've considered to be one of my best friends. And she is so great to talk to me about all these things and share with me her life experinces which I am so so so grateful for. Yet.... It's not the same. This has bugged me as well. And finally it dawned on me. My mom cannot be my sister. She can remember my childhood but not as a child, she can only remember me as a parent watching a child grow. She may have been annoyed with me as I grew but she, luckily for me, had the patience of a mother not the lack of patience of a sister. I can relate my girly stories with my mom but her stories are decades dated and not quite the same as mine. Of course there will be similarities but THANKFULLY things have changed in the whole womanly department in the past few decades. I share my childhood memories with my brothers and thankfully they see things as boys not as girls. And as I'm experincing this time around as a parent, girls and boys do not exactly see things the same way.
I honestly believe that having a sister is like having a piece of your childhood forever within glance. My heart aches at times for this sister that has never been and despite my best efforts to feel that void it never will be what I'm looking for.
(Man this is a drag of a read) I really don't know what my point is in writing this. Maybe it's to help those of you out there with sisters better appreciate the gift that you've been given. Maybe it's to help those of you out there who don't have sisters understand maybe the ache of your own heart. Or maybe it's just to help me vent this and find some sort of closure or some kind of reasoning to my own heart strings.
Anyhow to my friend sisters,
Thank you. Thank you for going on long walks with me. Thank you for hugging me when I felt down. Thank you for helping me pick out clothes that made me look skinny and made my eyes sparkle. Thank you for eating Ice Cream with me in the freezing cold winter. Thank you.
To my sisters in the gospel,
Thank you. Thank you for sharing your spirit and lifting me to new higher levels. Thank you for praying with me and reading with me. Thank you for serving me and giving me the opportunity to serve you.
To my Sister-in-laws,
Thank you. I love you all so very much and truly feel so blessed to have you in my life. I am so grateful to my husband for having such fantastic sisters and for my brother and brother-in-law to marrying such amazing and dynamic women. I know that you all are really the closest thing I will have to a real sister. I guess it could be a blessing that we didn't know each other growing up but even if we did I'm pretty sure we'd get over it.
To my Mother-in-law,
Thank you. Thank you for raising such wonderful girls to become the women that they are. Thank you for raising the boys to become the men that they are, especailly for my man. It's amazing to me how easy it has been to flow into your family and feel as if I've always been there. Thank you
And lastly to my Mom,
Thank you. Thank you for being my friend, my mom and my sister. I know you did your best to get me a sister but I'm pretty sure Heavenly Father knew I'd be Ok with just you. Thank you for teaching me, serving me, listening to me and being so patient with me. I love you more than words can say. I know because of the things you've helped me see that we will always be able to have our special connection. I love you.
If any of you out there are still reading this. Thanks. I really do know that we are all children of God and honestly that makes us all brothers and sisters. I'm grateful for the knowledge that I am a daughter of God and how that has helped me realize who I really can be. I know that He loves me and I will spend my life trying my best to show him that I love him too.

Things that I should have been doing instead of reading twilight.

Darn it all. I am if anything a trend bucker. The more someone pushes something or raves about how awesome something is I tend to shy away from it. I know it's stupid but in my defense I thought it was always funny when people would use the line "everybody is doing it" you know like in" just say 'no'" seminars and what not. Honestly that pitch doesn't ever really appeal to me so when all of my friends, family, strangers on the street, Ellen Degeneres started talking about the Twilight series and the soon to come movie, my eyes nearly sprained themselves from rolling so much. I was the same way with the Harry Potter Series, The Lord of the Rings, Blogging, and probably a whole bunch of other things that if I were to admit them now I'd feel like a GIANT hypocrite. Well I thought I'd get on the Library's waiting list for the overly talked about Twilight series giving me plenty of time to let all the hype be done. Unfortunately the Library had a copy right there that very day and I had to take it because for some weird glitch in their system they couldn't put me on the list as long as they had a copy in the building. Fine. I was slightly irritated that I would have to join all the avid readers and put my life on hold. I figured I would wait and start the darn book when I was at my parents house while the husband was on a hunting trip with all the other manly men from my family. I threw the book down after the first three chapters and started to think all these crazy people think this is a good book!! First it really bugged me that the story was told in first person because honestly what insight can an author really give you in first person. Secondly, Bella I mean come on grow-up already. I know I was a little judgemental and harshly critical but because I have this OCD thing about books I decided to finish the book so that I could let all the dumb people who loved this book how warped their brains were. Ummm my mistake the book was awesome. I eagerly texted all my friends who had read it and begged for their forgiveness for being so slow to head their raves. Anyhow after I emerged from reading book 1, 2, 3, and 4 plus the midnight sun manuscript on-line. I looked around my home to discover I may have neglected a few things while I submerged with vampires, werewolves, stupid teenage hormones and the taste of anticipation, twitterpation and then of course love. Anyhow I could tell you all the things that I liked about the books but they're probably the same things you liked. I didn't like Jacob Black at all (Sorry tonia, he's just a dorky teenage boy to me) and to be completely honest laughed so hard in book 4 when that thing happens to him and the kid ( I'm trying to be vague for those who haven't read it yet) that I had to call a friend to have her calm me down. Also what the junk was with her telling the story from Jacob's point of view??? Seriously there were a few more options out there but I guess when you tell the story in 1st person it gets kind of tricky to cover character depth. Anywho I'm excited to see the movie just so I can laugh at how poorly it depicts the books. But I digress, the series was thoroughly entertaining and my house could use a serious maid right around now but I thought I would take pictures so you could all feel better about neglecting things to for a moment or two of indulgence.



Up first are the dirty dishes overflowing out of my sink. The smell was nasty.

But on closer examination there was a balloon in the sink so I didn't have that many dishes but they still stunk really bad.

Next up was the weeds in my garden, ummm all of that, morning glory. Ya it's supposed to be strawberries. But the snow is coming soon right?

Clothes that should have been unpacked from a long time ago still sitting in various duffel bags. It was nice to find some clean clothes though.

Clothes that should have been folded and put away but instead were strewn across the floor mixing in with the dirty clothes. Not so awesome.

Abby's constant outfit. Here princess nightgown and butterfly wings. Ya luckily we didn't leave the house much and occasionally I made her wear pants and a shirt with them but I wasn't really going to fight her much not if it took away from reading time.
Gorgeous here was so completely content as long as he had something to eat. Sometimes washing him off was too big of a chore but I still did it after I was done with a chapter. (Seriously I'm so glad I'm done.)
I mean look at those hands. You can see the junk between the fingers. At least he's cleaner now.

All in all a great read but I'm glad to be done. I'll seriously be glad when I can walk around and stop trying to think like a vampire or wonder what it would be like to read that person's brain, or wonder if i growled at that person if they would give me a dirty hiss in return.
"Well off to buck a new trend." She said with a chagrin smile.... OK I had to throw that one in too because seriously how many times can you use that word? And who ever really says it on a daily basis? But go...Read...Neglect....it's OK everyone is doing it.