Girl Time

So hello blogger world. My mind has been churning lately. Well churning more than usual. And some people may understand my churn but some may only be able to sympathize.
So as many of you know I'm the only girl of 5 brothers. I love each and everyone of my brothers so much. They really are so crucial to me and who I have become. But honestly each of my birthdays from the time I was 5 on I wished for a little sister. With each brother came small disappointments but in the end ginormous love. I always thought, "well, I guess I'll get a sister when my brothers marry or when I get married". And man I've been blessed. I love my sister-in-laws like crazy. They are all so unique and amazing. I've learned so much from them and truly feel so blessed to count them all as such good friends. I have no doubt if we had met in different circumstances we'd be lifelong friends anyhow. I've had many friends who have held me in troubling times and lifted my spirits. Many friends that I've been able to share those deeply personal experiences with and continue to meet many "sisters" in the gospel that I'm sure have been put in my path for a reason.
Yet here my brain churns with that little girl wish still. (And No. Mom, honestly if you gave birth to another child now I would be forever freaked out. I know that Sarah and Sariah did it but I think I'll be ok. really.) It bugs me that I still want a sister and I think now as a 28 year old woman I finally understand why.
I watch groups of sisters do things together as adult women. Things like going to Women's conference, reading books together, "borrowing" clothes from each other (I know that was/is a major battle for many of you sisters, but still I can't ever borrow my brothers clothes when I go home.) Anything girly you want to do or talk about you've got someone to talk about it with. Trust me I tried telling my brothers my birth stories and they were both disgusted and embarassed and weired out for a lifetime.
I have been blessed with an amazing mother whom, for the longest time, I've considered to be one of my best friends. And she is so great to talk to me about all these things and share with me her life experinces which I am so so so grateful for. Yet.... It's not the same. This has bugged me as well. And finally it dawned on me. My mom cannot be my sister. She can remember my childhood but not as a child, she can only remember me as a parent watching a child grow. She may have been annoyed with me as I grew but she, luckily for me, had the patience of a mother not the lack of patience of a sister. I can relate my girly stories with my mom but her stories are decades dated and not quite the same as mine. Of course there will be similarities but THANKFULLY things have changed in the whole womanly department in the past few decades. I share my childhood memories with my brothers and thankfully they see things as boys not as girls. And as I'm experincing this time around as a parent, girls and boys do not exactly see things the same way.
I honestly believe that having a sister is like having a piece of your childhood forever within glance. My heart aches at times for this sister that has never been and despite my best efforts to feel that void it never will be what I'm looking for.
(Man this is a drag of a read) I really don't know what my point is in writing this. Maybe it's to help those of you out there with sisters better appreciate the gift that you've been given. Maybe it's to help those of you out there who don't have sisters understand maybe the ache of your own heart. Or maybe it's just to help me vent this and find some sort of closure or some kind of reasoning to my own heart strings.
Anyhow to my friend sisters,
Thank you. Thank you for going on long walks with me. Thank you for hugging me when I felt down. Thank you for helping me pick out clothes that made me look skinny and made my eyes sparkle. Thank you for eating Ice Cream with me in the freezing cold winter. Thank you.
To my sisters in the gospel,
Thank you. Thank you for sharing your spirit and lifting me to new higher levels. Thank you for praying with me and reading with me. Thank you for serving me and giving me the opportunity to serve you.
To my Sister-in-laws,
Thank you. I love you all so very much and truly feel so blessed to have you in my life. I am so grateful to my husband for having such fantastic sisters and for my brother and brother-in-law to marrying such amazing and dynamic women. I know that you all are really the closest thing I will have to a real sister. I guess it could be a blessing that we didn't know each other growing up but even if we did I'm pretty sure we'd get over it.
To my Mother-in-law,
Thank you. Thank you for raising such wonderful girls to become the women that they are. Thank you for raising the boys to become the men that they are, especailly for my man. It's amazing to me how easy it has been to flow into your family and feel as if I've always been there. Thank you
And lastly to my Mom,
Thank you. Thank you for being my friend, my mom and my sister. I know you did your best to get me a sister but I'm pretty sure Heavenly Father knew I'd be Ok with just you. Thank you for teaching me, serving me, listening to me and being so patient with me. I love you more than words can say. I know because of the things you've helped me see that we will always be able to have our special connection. I love you.
If any of you out there are still reading this. Thanks. I really do know that we are all children of God and honestly that makes us all brothers and sisters. I'm grateful for the knowledge that I am a daughter of God and how that has helped me realize who I really can be. I know that He loves me and I will spend my life trying my best to show him that I love him too.