Lying, loving and choices

So a little story today and I don't know if everyone will enjoy it but it is for sure something that has me thinking a lot today.
Monday Lizzie was off playing with her little friend from across the street. Which was fantastic by all parts on my account. When Jeremy called me and let me know that it was his companies ultimate Frisbee teams championship game that night and he was thinking he wanted to play. The downside was he drove into work and had to come back to Tooele get his clothes and have dinner in his belly all before 6:00. This would all but require a miracle on my part where as it was 4:30 and I had yet to take a shower that day and dinner was still being contemplated. But I was up for the challenge and told Jeremy I would do all in my power to have things ready to go for him. So off I ran to jump in the shower while the meat was thawing. Just as I was about to strip down Lizzie came running in asking if she could get her swimsuit on and play in the sprinkler at her friend's house. I told her No because we would be going to SLC and I didn't want her to get all wet before dinner. A major melt down ensued and I sat there on the stairs knowing my clock was ticking. I told Lizzie that she could either stay inside and throw a fit or she could go back outside and find something else to do with her friend. She agreed and went outside to play. I settled a couple of babies down checked the meat which was nearly thawed by now looked at the clock and went to jump in the shower once again when the telephone rang. Normally I would have let it go to the answering machine but I had a feeling it was my neighbor across the street. Sure enough it was and the following conversation took place:
"Andrea?"
"Hi Kari. What's up?"
"Lizzie is saying that you said she could play in the sprinkler she just needed to borrow Tessa's swimming suit. I thought I would just run it by you before I said Ok."
Steam poured out of my ears and I very calmly told Kari that no such conversation happened between me and Lizzie and if she could please send Lizzie home for lying.
Kari agreed and asked if Tessa ever did the same thing that I would return the favor. I assured her I would and hung up the phone. I figured I'd jump in the shower and try to calm myself down so that I could discipline Lizzie out of love. I did the fastest shower possible taking into account that I have like 10 lbs of hair. Jumped out and dressed and called for Lizzie to come up to talk to me. But there was no reply. I called again only to hear Abby answer back. I ran downstairs to confront the pretending-she-wasn't-there Lizzie only to find no Lizzie. I called over to the neighbors home to find that Lizzie had returned there. She had told the neighbor that I was in the shower and I said that it was OK for her to play for a little while. More steam poured out of my ears and exited from my mouth and the top of my head this time. I told her to once again send Lizzie home and assured her that she would not be returning. I paced back and forth watching my window. I could not wait to get the little deviant lying child home. Where did she get off lying like that. Where did she learn that that was OK. Not from her Mother. I see her leave the neighbors home. Watch her look carefully 6 or 7 times before she crosses the street. And wait for her at the front door. I needed to think of something good to help this girl learn that she cannot lie. She opens the door and the first thing that pops out of my mouth is a pure reincarnation of my mother.
"Straight to your room for the rest of the night." I wanted to pull the words back in almost as quickly as they fell out but it was too late. Lizzie cried and cried as I walked her to her room. I put her down on her bed and said "You lied twice. You disobeyed me twice. And you have disappointed me." And I left the room. As I listened to her wail I knew the punishment seemed a little harsh but I hoped that maybe it would teach her a lesson. Lizzie has had this problem lately of lying to many many people and I would really like her to learn quickly the positive side of being honest.
As I chopping my vegetables downstairs for a quick stir-fry Jeremy comes in. I tell him what happened and he gives me the look letting me know that I've been a little too dramatic and then says "well I guess we can't go to the game now." I hadn't even thought of that. But he said it was OK that the roster was already full and he wouldn't have got in much playing time. I finish making dinner and go upstairs to get Lizzie for dinner. As soon as I open the door Lizzie asks "Why don't you love me anymore." And I'm hit with this complex emotion where I want to laugh but feel like I got hit in the gut at the same time. I tell her that I still love her and will always love her but she made choices and these are the consequences of her choices. I bring her down for dinner and she is a very very good girl through dinner. But as soon as dinner was over I walked her back to her room. She cries again and says "I wanted to spend time with my family." Another crushing blow to my mom persona. I sit her down and tell her that I love spending time with her but she has to finish her punishment. She asks me if I will ever love her again. I remind her once more that I will love her always no matter what she does. She then begins to meltdown again. She starts bartering "You can take away my toys. How about I don't play with friends tomorrow. No dessert for a week." And literally I can feel my heart breaking for her and as I hug her as tight as I can reassuring her that I love her so much I am hit with this amazing feeling. This must be close to how Heavenly Father feels when his children suffer the consequences of their wrong choices. We ask if our Heavenly Father has forgotten us, if he doesn't love us anymore. We beg for the consequences to be taken away. We say that we'd rather take something else. Our hearts ache and we cry. And yes our Father is there. He hears us. He loves us still but he can't take away the consequence not because he doesn't have the power to but because he is just and true. I believe that his heart aches just as sorely if not more for us as we suffer. In that moment of clarity I was so glad to be a parent. I was so glad to have come a little closer to understanding the nature of my Heavenly Father. I was so glad for the atonement of Jesus Christ and the passage that it gives us to come back to our loving father.
She eventually calms down and we talk about lying and making choices and love parents have for their children. And although Lizzie is not quite 5 yet I think she understood a lot. As I get ready to leave her in her room we hug one more time and I again assure her that I love her. And she lets me know that she loves me.
A short time later I bring Abby up and Lizzie is sitting nicely on her bed in her nightgown with a smile on her face. She says." Mom I won't lie ever again. I know what I did was wrong and tomorrow morning I'm going to apologize to sister Scribner for lying to her. I'm sorry for being disobedient and I'm going to try harder to make better choices." I hug her and tell her that those are all good things. I know that most likely she will lie again and more than likely she will be disobedient again but I will always be grateful for that powerful teaching moment of knowing how our Heavenly Father feels about the choices we make. How wonderful it is to know of our Heavenly Father and have the knowledge of his great plan of happiness. Today I am a grateful woman.