Happiness

So when I was younger people would always ask why I was so happy. As an elementary student I had no idea that people could actually be permanently unhappy. I understood that when you lost your toy or when your brother was a giant stupid head you could be a little unhappy but I never really thought much more of it. When I got to high school I had a conversation that made me realize that people really liked being unhappy not only unhappy but that it was a sign of maturity to be "less happy". I sat in my usual spot in French class 2nd row from the door 3 seats from the back. Sitting across from me next to the wall where Erin a Jr. and Shannon a Sr. both sang in the choir with me and because they were so much older than me ( I was a sophomore) they were amazingly cool. Coach Dean (our French teacher was the track coach and insisted we called him coach regardless if we ran track or not.) had stepped out to inspect the new track going in and trusted that we would all read our text books while he was gone. I had read the assignment for like the 5th time when I gave in to the rest of the class and started talking with Erin and Shannon I had made some sort of remark and smiled and I'll never forget the way Erin looked at me. Then she said "Andrea, when you get older I bet you'll be a lot less happy." This kind of took me back why on earth would anyone want to be "less happy"? And what did having to be older have to do with it. I asked Erin what she meant and she then explained to me "When you're mature things don't seem the way you see them now." I was so super confused I thought I was pretty "mature" and I was pretty darn sure that being mature was not the death of happiness. Shannon finally chipped in I swear I vied for every word out of her mouth I mean after all she was a Senior, she had a boyfriend and she was on her way to college she had to know everything. "I don't think Andrea is one of those people who will change."
"Really?" was Erin's response.
"Why wouldn't she? Everyone has to grow-up sometime."
Then Shannon said "I think Andrea is just one of those people who will always be happy even when she shouldn't be."
Soon enough coach Dean came back and it was back to the difference between "vous" and "tu". I was really confused by my friends comments. Really as a sign of maturity did I have to give up happiness? I thought back to people who I knew where mature like my mom, teachers people who were at least older than me they didn't seem unhappy yet they were "grown-up".
I continued on my way and as I got older I somehow stayed happy. I guess it was some sort of curse. Ok not really I love being happy. Many people along the way have accused me of being fake, people who I thought were close good friends and other such relatives and you know that kind of stung yet here I am still a happy person. I guess I understand why people could confuse being happy as fake. I mean after all everyone is bound to have a bad day and I have actually experienced these so called bad days from time to time. Or maybe more frequent then that. I think where people get confused on "fake happy" people is they don't understand really what happiness is. My little brother used to pray that we would have a fun day and I remember my mom asking him why he prayed to have fun. He said we needed to have fun so we could be happy. There I think is where a lot of people believe happiness is and if people think that is where my happiness is well then they're right I would be as fake as wood paneling in an old station wagon. I believe that my happiness comes from somewhere else. My happiness doesn't come from a clean house, lots of money, amazing vacations or people pouring out compliments on me if that were the case I would be the saddest person ever. Even if I had those things that isn't real happiness. Take all that stuff away and what are you left with? The happiness that I had as a little girl, as a high school student, as a single young adult and even now as a border line crazy mom of 3 has always been the same. I know who I am. I know where I came from. I know where I'm going. And I have an amazing lifeline. Sure the specifics aren't always set in stone I probably have changed a little as a person I'm growing that's what I'm supposed to be doing. I know where I came from I can't recall it perfectly but I have a good idea. My destination in this life was determined long ago the way I get there hasn't always been as straight forward as I wanted to be and sometimes it's a little scary but that's where my lifeline has really come in to play. Whenever I feel like I'm wavering just a tad He's there to pull me back in to remind me of these simple truths to help me remember I'm more than what I've been and I can be more if I keep trying. Why do people insist on roadblocking happiness. Happiness isn't something that we have one day and don't have the next. Happiness is in each and everyone of us. Sure sometimes it's easier to be happier than other times but that happiness never goes away. I believe it is there in our hearts it lives in our souls along with the knowledge that we are children of our Heavenly Father. He loves us and will always, always love us regardless of the choices we make. Our father gave us a plan, a plan of happiness, to return to him and to be able to live "happily ever after". I hope that people can remember that. This one thing helps me be who I am today. This simple truth helps me push through those bad days, those bad mistakes, those things that would block me from being my best. So maybe I'm a little less grown-up because I am still a happy person. Shannon was right I'm not going to change on that. Why would I want to?